Quote

In 1989, author Lynn Hall wrote the novel Where Have All the Tigers Gone?. The story is about a middle-aged woman who returns to her hometown to attend a high school reunion. Through the trip home and the reunion itself, she is able to reminisce of the past and notice how different her perception of the world and her childhood relationships are in the present. One of her summarizing resolutions of her life that has stuck with me ever since I stumbled across it, reads:

“We do not change as we grow older. We simply become more clearly ourselves.”

The quote itself does not really use any tools to convey its point. There is no humor, exaggeration, or repetition. The diction level is constant throughout, at a conversational level right in the middle of formal and slang. It is not a cliché; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. It works because it gets a reader’s attention by going against what we are supposed to think.

For this reason, my first impression and the impression I think most people have is that this quote is unattractive or wrong. It seems that one of the key, fundamental facts that we must learn to accept in life is that people change. Since childhood, we get the constant advice from parents, teachers, and mentors that “things change” and “people change”. It’s like it’s a way of rationalizing growing distant from former friends and not feeling the way we used to about others. This way of thinking revolves around the idea that everyone eventually changes from who they are, into a new and different person, and that’s just the way it is.

Upon further analysis, I believe that Lynn Hall’s take is more accurate than the traditional stance. Personally, I’ve experienced the event first hand. From the time I was in first grade up until about 7th or 8th grade, I had a very close friend that most people would have considered my “best” friend. We would literally do everything together and were truly inseparable. I honestly believed we would be lifelong friends. However, towards the end of Middle School it quickly became obvious that my friend’s priorities were changing. He quickly evolved into a shell of his former self, and we’d have droughts of several months were we didn’t even speak.

We still keep in touch to this day, but it will obviously never be like it was before we grew up. During high school, my parents would always tell me that he changed and they couldn’t believe it, and that it’s really unfortunate given how close we once were. But when I really think about the “changed” version of my friend, I come to realize that he’s been different longer than he was the friend I couldn’t be separated from. It may be time to realize that those years we spent as buddies were when we were just kids, and who he is now is who he truly is. It’s a very difficult thing to admit to myself and accept, but I think it is right.

The context of Lynn Hall’s quote is very similar to my situation, as her story centers mostly on her childhood relationships. When we’re kids, we’re so young, inexperienced, and naive. It’s easier to make friends and get along with people as kids, because life is simple. As we get older and are exposed to a bigger variety of things, it becomes clearer to ourselves what we want in life. This is how people grow distant from one another and how relationships imminently end.